Mix
Mix

 

some postings which I created on facebook 14th october 2014 - 28th october 2014
filed under mix


stories mix posted on facebook:

15th oct: when I had the age of 3 1/2 years ...

... the first years of my life I spent next to my mom ... literally... every day and almost every moment ... my mom is a tailor and worked at home ... most of the time I was sitting next to her on the floor ... I did drawings of pirate ships (my most favorite theme), animals,... and I created things with tailor materials my mom gave me

I have some early memories ... and one of them happened on 16th august 1977, when I had the age of 3 1/2 years. my mom was crying non-stop ... for hours ... I asked her why she is crying ... she looked down on me with red eyes and endless tears running out of her eyes ... she just said "Elvis died."

... some years later when we talked about that, then she told me, that the radio station she was listening to, played for 4 days non-stop Elvis, when he died

15th oct: Iraq Mosul

today I talked with someone whom I know since some months ... he is about 60 years old and father of children. we like to talk to eachother ... we understand eachother ... have a similar sense of humor ... we are interessted in art and life

... I always thought, that he is from Marocco or Tunesia ... I asked him today where he comes from exactly ... while answering my question, I realized how the expression of his face is changing ... he answered "from Iraq ... from Mosul"

he told me some stories (which we all know already from television) from his view ... but it was more the expression of his face, what touched me ... I could see and feel the pain, the tragedy, the helpless actual sitiuation in his city, ... he suffered with every word speaking ... but he told me about his life and his friends which are still "life" there

I realized again, that the world looks always different when you talk with someone and look in someone´s eyes ... now Mosul is alive to me

16th oct: " yes, there was a time in my life, when it was important to me to meet the greatest porn actors of that planet. ... and I met them! "

16th oct: °° poolparty with Jeff Stryker °°

first the info for the younger readers: Jeff Stryker is the ulimative and all time greatest male pornstar ever*

some years ago I knew a young guy ... 21 years, phantastic beautiful, ... he liked me and wanted to have me for an invitation as his guest. I had no idea what was expecting me:
he called me and said, that he is right now in front of my balcony in a car: he was sitting in a big darkgreen limousine to pick me up^^ the driver drove us to the Marriott hotel ... we followed the instructions of the invitation and ended up in the pool area, which was reserved for a private party ^^

a phantastic dj played, of course free drinks and a delicious buffet, ... in the pool uncountable pink balls did swim around ... a group of hot guys was sitting around. the host welcomed us* some of his friends have been there too. then more and more hot guys entered the party ... it must have been around 30 ... soon I realized, that this was a private party with some of the hottest pornactors of that planet ... and when Jeff Stryker joined the party while wearing black sunglases and a white bathrobe (of course opened), then I knew that this party is VEEEERY SPECIAL^^

I tried to get in contact with one of those HOT guys ... but immediatly he made me understand, that his body only can be touched by the hands of a millionaire

I was frustrated and tried not to bring my bad mood into the party ... there was only one place left for me: inside of the pool, playing with those pink balls and watching those HOT guys from a distance ... after swimming around there ... almost alone most of the time ... we left^^ ... also my young friend was annoyed because the host just wanted to have sex with him all the time^^

*** HAPPY HUSTLABALL BERLIN 2014 ***

16th oct: what a wonderful relaxed afternoon ... laying on my couch ... eating sweets ... listened about 5 hours to Elvis ... and thought about the many times I have been at HustlaBall Berlin ... remembered the pornstars I met ... Mukhtar the one I wanted to marry and we spent an unforgettable night at Berghain ... Wolff the German hottie and our sex started already in the taxi ... the British BIIIIIG c*ck guy we met eachother in the toilet and spent hours together at my place and taking tons of c*caine ... Johan Paulik I met in Bratislava and I was that much drunk with vodka, that I wasn´t able to speak anymore ... and some more ... oooh it was nice*

and now I go to bed (8.15 p.m. in Berlin) and plan to wake up early to continue to paint ... with a smile on face :)

*Good Night Everyone :*

17th oct: half of my heart is American* ... now I will continue with the big ´Obama speech in Berlin´ painting ... while I am listening to Elvis <3 :)

17th oct: diesen Kommentar mußte ich einfach endlich mal auf Claudia Roth´s fb Seite loswerden: Sie wirkt für mich einfach nur noch realitätsfremd ... und das ist tragisch:

Sehr geehrte Frau Roth, ich fand Sie mal richtig klasse in der Politik. Mittlerweile würde ich mir einfach nur noch wünschen, daß Sie sich einfach aus der Politik entfernen und wieder um Nachwuchsrockbands kümmern. Da sind Sie wohl besser aufgehoben und diese brauchen Sie auch! Beste Grüsse Patrick

17th oct: Patrick´s monolog: "my paintings are not bad. I mean I started just 1 year and 10 months ago. do I have to work on a perfection? ... no. there are eeeeeenough other painters which are muuuuuuch better with perfection. perfection is not my goal (and never was) ... I do other things: my paintings are allowed to be trashy (as Berlin is and always was). my paintings are colorful and made of fun ... I have always a good time while creating those paintings <= that´s what counts to me ... that people are watching my paintings, feel the fun and that makes them feel good ... as Berlin is and was. I love my paintings <3 "

19th oct: * Brian for President *

each sunday I think a little bit more about <3 Brian <3

I believed in Brian
I believed that Brian will become a leader of the United States of America

it wasn´t just an illusion ... Brian´s grand aunt Victoria Woodhall Claflin was the first and only female president candidate of America ... Brian did wear her name and had her blood

Patrick "one day you will be a leader of your country!"
Brian "why do you always say that?"
Patrick "because you are the one who is able to do that. you have everything what is needed. Look at your life: you travelled through more than 60 countries. you have an incredible knowledge about politcs all around the world. you are someone who is able to attract people ... people listen to you! ... and last but not least you are Brian-Tennessee Claflin ... you own the spirit of your family."
Brian "are you serious?"
Patrick "yes, Brian! you are born to become a leader of the United States of America!"
Brian "OH TRISH! stop pls!"
Patrick "I mean look what Arnold Schwarzenegger did when he was young. and look at you! it´s not a choice ... you are born that way!"

uncountable times we talked about that ... somehow I always had the feeling, that Brian was suprised, that someone believed in him ... thaaaat much

and YES, I was serious about it.

R.I.P. Brian

19th oct: Brian "goddamn Trish! you know that I love you!"
Patrick "I love you too"
Brian "give me a hug!"
... and then we hugged eachother

yes, this are those memories which keep someone alive, ... but this are also those memories which make a life without him ... a nightmare

20th oct: ´s top 3 themes of photographies:

everyday I see tones of pictures posted here on fb: and I realized, that I favorite special themes:

3rd: people are posing with celebs ... they all have that special look of being excited and being happy =D

2nd: eating pictures ... OMG people putting some delicious food in their mouths ... many of them look like animals ... veeeeery cute <3
aaaaaaaand

1st: people showing their tongues and f*ck fingers ... those face expressions are priceless :*

20th oct: okokok ... already now ... I am thinking about which CHRISTMAS COOKIES I should bake this year

okokkokokok I bought already first ingredients such as *mmyummmy* marzipan and nuts

YES, you may taste them at the Open Studio ... every week some different ones ... aaaaand YES PLS you are invited to bring some own christmas cookies too*

^^YEEEAAAHS^^ CHRISTMAS COOKIES PARTIES =P CAAAAN´T WAIT =D

20th oct: dear diary,

prostitutes ... male & female ... are my neighbours since about 10 years. I see them every day and every night when I look out of the windows of my flat/studio. some of those prostitutes I know since many years and some I know in a personal way.

tonite I feel kind of relaxed and spend more time on the windows as usual. there are a lot of prostitutes on the street tonite. while watching them, I am listening to the concert of Pavarotti.

this life ... is the life I did choose ... I am the main actor and director in one person ... it feels good and I know, that this is the movie I want to see ... to feel ... life

... to paint

21st oct: it´s planed that the first CHRISTMAS COOKIES PARTY :P will happen on open studio saturday 15th november 2014 ... I will bake cookies and everybody is invited to bring own christmas cookies too* I think that it is a loooot of fun =D aaaaaand *mmyammmmyyy* :P

21st oct: +++ The Artist The Criminal +++

I belong to those 95 % artists which are not able to pay all their bills with the selling of their art (at least I may pay the stuff that I need to work with the selling of my art).

additionally to my art, I am working 11times a month in a hotel and get social money (Hartz IV) from Germany. I need that social money to life. It´s a fight for the whole year to get that money. In their eyes ... in the eyes of Germany ... I am a criminal ... a shady thief who is stealing money from Germany ... someone useless. the people who are working in the social center (Jobcenter) and the German law give me non-stop that feeling. it´s not seen and not accepted that I am working literally day and night for art ... that I work with my art for the society ... for Berlin ... for Germany ... for future generations

they try to stop me :( ... non-stop

23rd oct: no one said it would be easy to paint the event "Barack Obama in Berlin" event in a size 1,60 meter x 1,22 meter ... today I painted some of his bodyguards ... I think they like me as much as I like them*

23rd oct: dear diary,

yesterday when I went to a meeting, then I passed the university of arts ... by chance. I didn´t know that building. it is AMAZING beautiful ... an old HUGE building ... through the windows I took a look inside ... everything looked clean inside and everyone busy. I felt a lot of respect for everyone involved with that building.

my parents teached me to dress suitable for every occasion. I realized that during those years in Berlin: I never felt suitable for such a beautiful location. literally I lived in the underground ... and almost never left it. in the first years I lived in the fetish/sm/bondage scene and then I lived in the redlight and party scene.

meanwhile I am on the way to come up from the underground and see/feel the other side of Berlin. I know how to do it ... my parents teached it to me and I learned it while I have been at school, where I had to wear suits and ties every day ... little things will be difficult for me, such as: I love to smack (because the food tastes better) <= things like that I have to stop ... of course*

and it´s not just a question of the body ... it´s about what´s going on in the mind. and my mind is READY now*

23rd oct: okokok, dann hier auch ein bischen Promotion für Kostja´s neuen Frisösentuckenfilm (*ooooH ist das jetzt political correct???) ... immerhin IST Kostja für mich DER BESTE männliche Jungschauspieler Deutschlands :*

24th oct: the last warm days this year ... I paint with open windows ... this is why I paint now eeeeevery day ... very soon it will become cold: they said: down to zero degrees in beginning of november *bbrrrrrr*

24th oct: (comment to an article) I told you already years ago: MJ is copying ELVIS with the death performance ... no one of them died ... those deaths made billions of money to the record industry ... it´s the world of capitalism we are living in ^^

27th oct: *** Patrick Bartsch Solo Exhibition ***

pls save the date: very wonderful travel agency Over the Rainbow (Knesebeckstraße 89) and lovely Gaby are celebrating their jubelee on 15th november and invited me to show some paintings* YES what an honor* it will be my very first solo exhbition just with paintings in oil on canvas. Pls join the event*

27th oct: *** moments of life *** ´Pavarotti & I in one room´

some moments of life I will remember forever

about 17 years ago: I worked in the bar of the Grand Hotel Vienna, which is located very close to the Vienna Opera House. for that reason many people from the Opera stayed in the hotel. as guests I had each one of the three tenors, a looot of directors of an orchestra (Lorin Maazel), and maaany more

once Pavarotti stayed at our hotel ... he was kind of sick and had a much thicker scarf as usual around his neck ... he looked sweaty ... the entrance lobby of the hotel is kind of similar to a big concert hall ... there exist 4 elevators for the guests. the lobby was kind of empty, just the receptionists, the concierge, the doorman and I have been there and of course some people around Pavarotti. while he was waiting for the elevator, he did a check with his voice ... when I write here "check", then it has been the most powerful & clear voice I have ever listened to ... no microphone, no technique between us ... just Pavarottis voice and my ears. that has been one of those moments which gave an influence to my life forever ... to hear, to feel, to realize what it means to be the best in the world. Pavarotti is one of my big idols ... he smiled a lot and made other people smile ... all his life <3

I still can hear him*

 

 

some postings which I created on facebook 21st september 2014 - 13th october 2014
filed under mix


stories mix posted on facebook:

23rd sept: between summer and winter

the sun is shining and reminds me of summer ... and it is cold at the same time... this reminds me of the coming winter

today there is that feeling of being in between

there didn´t exist any summer feelings this year to me ... sometimes I reached out for some rays of the sun ... just to get reminded that we have summer ... all summer long I had that feeling that ´summer 2014´ should be over ... as fast as possible ... Brian left that planet on 5th june ... I didn´t want that summer

soon there will be winter and all signs say that it will be a hard long cold winter ... right now I prepare myself for being alone in the darkness and the coldness of the coming winter ... I need this winter that way ... it will reflect my feelings

as little flames warmed The Little Match Girl ... my paintings will warm my soul ... in the dark cold days & nights of the next months

24th sept: pls is anyone at Ello already? ... I aaaaalways get those - meanwhile annoying - messages "We will invite you as soon as we can." "We will invite you as soon as we can." "We will invite you as soon as we can." ...

I love(d) facebook, but I really need something N E W ... is Ello the new thing or not !?!?!?!?!?!?

25th sept: knows he got bored when ... I am starting to find answers to identify myself:

okokok I am a photographer who does interpretations of his photographies in oil on canvas.
special theme: the glamorous years of Berlin ( 2003 - 2014 )

is that short enough? is that the reality? ... and why the mask?

ääääöööhmmmm* okokok I WANTED TO BE A CENTRAL FIGURE of the glamorous circus in Berlin ... and eeeeeeveryone should realize me ME MEEEEE

*OMG* that sounds veeeery egocentric

monolog: dear Patrick, better you stop writing right now ... it starts to sound weird ... VEEEERY WEEEEIIIIRD

26th sept: ^^ MASTER PATRICK IS BAAAACK on ELLO ^^

HELLO ELLO ... ^^WOW^^ I was able to type in "Master Patrick" as name *WHUUUHHUIIII* ... that was neeeeeever possible on fb, because "Master" was always on the not-allowed-list.

OF COURSE my name there is now: MasterPatrick ... I used that name already before I moved to Berlin ... it´s absolutly authentic and my artist name since about 12 years

... and YES! I will show there some old stuff too which you have never seen before ... some authentic nude, fetish, SM, bondage stuff ... relax! relax! even Mapplethorpe worked on stuff like that*

pls find me there ello.co/masterpatrick

26th sept: P*RN IS ART ... too*

ok, let´s see if ELLO complains: a professional naked ballet dancer ... yes, he has a hard one ... yes, it looks like p*rn ... BUT THIS IS ART ... it was his BIG dream to dance naked ... with a hard c*ck ... I was allowed to photograph it ... NOW to see on ELLO*

... and my Last Supper in Fetish ... from the year 2006 ... yes, there are nude people on that photography ... BUT IT IS ART ... each one on that photography has a personal relationship to the church ... and I got help from an priest to create that photography ... it needed 1 !!! year to create that photography ...NOW my head picture on ELLO*

pls enjoy*

26th sept: ELLO invitation needed? just send me your e-mail adress ... see you there in the adult area :*

26th sept: soul to soul

once I realized that I found ways to paint souls ... I am veeery good with empathy ... it was part of my survival tactic to learn that already in a young age ... I am very happy that my paintings consists of bodies ... aaand much more of feelings, energy, emotions, aura, ... YES! it´s the human soul what people are able to see in my created paintings

27th sept: fb caused HUNGER FOR NUDITY ... all those years no naked Marilyn Monroe, no naked Madonna, no naked Schwarzenegger, no naked Brad Pitt, ... no nudity on paintings ... NUDITY IS GOOD ... and for that reason I just uploaded another of mine nude photographies on ELLO

27th sept: SHOCKED ABOUT P*RN & NUDITY !?

Berlin is one of few places on that planet, where sex on stage is allowed. for that reason there exist mega events such as the annual HustlaBall Berlin with many thousands of guests and international showacts.

photoshootings & film sessions with nude models on almost every place in and around Berlin <= for that reason, creative people from all around the world came to Berlin to realize their visions for movies, photographies,... ... all those years

S*x, P*rn & Nudity belongs to the glamorous years of Berlin. Me as "historian", I was there and photographed it too. with ELLO I found again a place to present some of that ... it starts with Jeff Stryker´s c*ck & Lady Bunny in front of it and doesn´t stop with famous p*rn models in huge old fabric buildings. pls enjoy my ongoing exhibition on ELLO ... and YES! my profile here on fb will be ... as always ... without nudity & p*rn

27th sept: FIERCE CHICHI LARUE at Hustlaball Berlin ... okokok I know that you want to see how Americans are partyyyyyyiiiiiing in Berlin ... T H A T NIGHT with ChiChi was one of the best nights eeeever ... pls find the picture and some more new ones on my ELLO ^^

YEAH! I AM VEEEEERY EXCITED ABOUT ELLO :D

28th sept: HIER im Wiener Lesben-&Schwulenhaus machte ich meine ersten Gehversuche als Schwuler ... Ich bin GESCHOCKT über die Situation in Wien !!!

28th sept: KILL GAYS ... is written on the lesbian-gay-center in Vienna

I write it here in english, because EVERYONE should know what is going on there!

IT´S SHOCKING!

Vienna supports queer people in Belgrade / Serbia ... it is meant that this is the reason for those hate writings on the wall

today 4 p.m. there will be a demonstration in Vienna ... with a title "WE DON´T HAVE FEAR!"

pls support our queer friends in Vienna / Austria ... and of course Belgrade /Serbia

28th sept: <3 sunday story <3

the doctor says to a pregnant woman "there are a lot of complications with the baby. it would be better to abort the pregnancy."
the little weak woman says "I want my baby!"
the doctor "but the baby could be heavy disabled or you could die during the birth!"
the woman "I want my baby!"
the doctor "I am not able to be responsible for that. pls find another doctor."

the pregnant woman went to some doctors and each one refused to make the birth. finally she ended up in the university clinic and they said "ok. we will try it, but we are not able to make any promises."

the woman willing to die for her baby was laying on the operating table ... she was surrounded by some doctors and many students watching the birth. it was a cold winter night on the 16th of january. she just remembered how a snow storm opened a window and someone closed the window again.

when the baby was born it came directly in another room and was conected with several machines. some days later the mother got her baby in her arms for the first time. both survived

that woman is my mother <3 I LOVE YOU MOM <3

29th sept: it´s weird how ´Master Patrick´ returned into my life ... yes, ´Master Patrick´ is very different to ´Patrick Bartsch´ ... they are different as ´fire´ and ´water´

oh, and ´Fantasy48´ pleeeeaaaaase don´t let´s talk about thaaat glamour drama queen ... I am happy she takes a nap now :) ... ´the emperor of art´ *lol*

*äääääööööhmmmmm* and if you think, that I am suffering from a multiple personality syndrom, then I just can say: yes, you are right!

we are in many ways different

... artists are CRRrrrrAAAAaaaaaAAAAZZZZzzzzzyyyyyyYYYY :P

30th sept: pls can someone help me with paypal? I have a paypal account, but never used it. now someone ordered a painting and want to send the money to my paypal account.
but now I don´t know which information I should send him? is there a number or adress I need to send him?
pls help*

30th sept: I am still under shock because Brian left this world

he was so young ... 33 years

I could have never imagined that I have to life without Brian

I am still in the process of realizing that Brian will never again be on that planet

right now: those are the hardest and most difficult months I did ever go through

2nd oct: *** bf needed <3 :*

at the moment I feel veeeeery gay :*

one reason could be, that I need a bf <3 ... meanwhile I want someone :p ... and step by step I am starting to look for someone :*

O ... okokok I am looking for someone AMAZING BEAUTIFUL ... <= ... *OH, that´s just the truth* beautiful people inspire me ... non-stop
O ... someone incredible smart ... <= ... that would make eeeeeverything easiier
O ... someone who touches my soul .... <= ... loyal & honest are the keywords for that^^

... *äääööööhmmmm* I think winter is coming soon ... the time when eeeeeverybody needs someone :)

3rd oct: " I HATE GAYS AND YOU SHOULD HATE THEM TOO!"

Patrick means "Dries Verhoeven is dangerous!"

Berlin 2014: "QUEERS AS VICTIMS and everybody enjoys punching them!"

isn´t it enough that meanwhile almost every week queer people get punched on public places such as in streets, in the underground, ...

the hate and violence against Queer People has reached a new level in Berlin

and it goes on ... in a SHOCKING way:

since some days there is happing a "show" in Berlin which I would like to name " I HATE GAYS AND YOU SHOULD HATE THEM TOO!". Dries Verhoeven presents private chats with erotic contents ... and shows them in public ... including the pictures of the victims. it leaves the queer victims raped ... raped in public ... and part of the public is laughing and applauding. someone compared that "show" with the violent gay hunt in Russia and other countries ... I think he is right

and shocking too: all that is supported by The Netherlands, by HAU - Hebbel am Ufer (which all those years got appreciated by queer artists and queer audience) even newspapers supported that action ... especially SHAME on Siegessäule and blu which gave that action that much space and publicity ... HOW COULD THEY!?

I suffered with the story of wonderful Parker Tilghman ... pls find his story in his profile. NO ONE DESERVES THAT!

4th oct: * MY GOD *

I was just sitting in the autumn sun ... that wonderful bright light which loads me up with energy ... I just thought ´MY GOD´ ... this is my god

it is hard to imagine how people believe in human made fairytale gods more than in the sun & nature

6th oct: today I ate some raw fish (Hering) with potatoes ... when Brian was here and I made that food, then he looked at it veeeeeery sceptical and said with a voice ("through his nose") "aaaiiiiiiiihhhhh thaaaat German fooooood aaaaiiihhhhh" ... he didn´t touch it *lol* Brian loved Berlin and Germany, BUT he always prefered American style food* <3 Brian <3

6th oct: a conversation with Brian about my new flyer would be very similar like that:

Brian "what´s that!?"
Patrick "that´s my first flyer as painter."
Brian "OOOH she´s doing promotion!"

:)

Brian will always have a space in my heart and my head ... I am lucky, that I still hear and feel him* .... ooooooooooh I miss him <3 ...... for me .... without him .... it´s only half of the joy here on the planet

8th oct: some years ago ... perhaps about 10 years ago ... I had the illusion, that it would be very romantic if an artist is living in his own studio ... day&night together with his art

at that time there didn´t exist any signs, that this dream could happen to me

... and today it´s me who is living in his own studio together with his art ... and it is very romantic*

8th oct: ... when I was a Master ... I did photography too ... with slaves/bottoms accepting that the photographies will be published ... just found some soft ones for you ... from different bondage sessions with H O T T E S T guys from all around the world ... oh, it was fun playing around that way :) ... pls find 10 photographies at the Patrick Bartsch Adult Exhibition on ELLO

10th oct: W H O COMPLAINED ABOUT THAT FUNNY PHOTOGRAPHY I SHARED !!!??? (a guy with a pinochio tattoo on his belly, above of his c*ck. NO nudity to see there!)

ANNONYMOUS complain <= T H A T IS FORMER EAST GERMANY STASI !!! uncountable people suffered because that ... for decades !!! ... ended up in prison ... and and and ... ... I DON´T WANT THAT HERE!

it´s fine to complain, BUT pls write me a message ... YES, I want to know who complains ...

SHADY !!! pls coward "fb friend" remove yourself from my friendslist AND EVERYONE too, who thinks that a photography of a guy with a pinochio tattoo on his belly is not possible to look at *hhhhmmmmpppfffff*

10th oct: ... and to the haters in fb friendslist: if you don´t like my postings: GO !

10th oct: some people just make my day a wooooooonderful day* Thank you <3I feel muuuuuch better and stronger now*

they said "but don´t post it on fb!" ... okokok I will not post it on fb ... just wanna post that I am happy now :)

12th october: (Venus von Willendorf) it was love at first sight <3 when I saw her the first time in a book at school ^^ this scultpure teached me at that young age, that there has to be more, than my life was at that moment ...

 

 

Isa Genzken 8th september 2014
filed under mix


Paparazzi feelings* is it right or is it wrong ... having such feelings ... one of my GREATEST idols ... one of the most influencal female artists of the past 30 years (as MOMA New York wrote it about her) ... Isa Genzken ... seen some days ago ... Paparazzi feelings* is it right or is it wrong

 

 

some postings which I created on facebook 31st august 2014 - 20th september 2014
filed under mix


stories mix posted on facebook:

31st august: ^^ GLAMOUR ERA ^^

finally there is found a perfect name for the past years in Berlin^^ the glamour era which I photographed and paint now in oil on canvas.

the glamour in Berlin will go finally with the resignation of the mayor Klaus Wowereit and the glamour of the underground party scene is definatly gone with the passing of Brian. in those past years everything was glamour GLAMour GLAMOUR

the glamour era of Berlin is gone and we will aaaaaaalways remember it <3 :*

31st august: I am still very happy that I found a name for the serie of paintings I am working on :)

the Berlin newspaper named the years of mayor Klaus Wowereit "the glamour era"

the word "GLAM" and "glamour" was one of the most favorites words of Brian too ^^ he lived it ^^ we lived it ^^

I have no more big plans for my future. I just want to paint as much as possible photographies which I took in past GLAM years ... and I took a looooot ... about 120 000

2nd september: Patrick´s monologs: I don´t know who that guy is.

I was never interessted that people take pictures of me ... I avoided it ... almost all my life. there exist only few pictures of my body & face. and in the past years while wearing my mask, only a handfull of pictures got realized.

it´s a brand new feeling, that I accept my body & face and I am willing to learn about it and myself. ... I am 40 years now.

I am stearing at those pictures and selfies of me ... and I am confused, because I´ve never really seen that guy ... then I say to myself "I don´t know who that guy is." ... almost all my life I was more interessted what is going on inside of my body, soul, heart and brain. watching & talking about my body & face annoyed me and even made me aggressive. ... those years are over now ... somehow it feels new ... new born

3rd september: Patrick´s dream became true*

a painting in oil on canvas with that enormous size of 1,50 x 1,80 meters ... now in front of me hanging on a wall ... and I created it ... having my own style ... the painting is phascinating alive ... it shows a party scene at PORKparty with Brian and friends

that moment which one I may have ... right now ... is one of my dreams became true and I would nothing wish more than to share that moment with Brian

it feels sureal to see Brian on that painting ... which got created shortly after his death ... feeling the drama and the pain and at the same knowing that one of my biggest dreams became true ... not just being in a museum and watching big paintings created by others ... this time I created that painting .... .... many years I thought, that I would never be able to do that, and after a looooong way ... now I did it

I am sure: Brian would be proud of me

4th september: today I had an almost "couldn´t stop to paint" day ... I worked a lot on backgrounds for new paintings created after photographies showing Wowereit, Tilda Swinton, Mona Lisa, David Garrett and maaaany more ... actually I paint simultaneous on about 25 paintings ... I love it to work that way*

4th september: Brian is here.

I am sitting and laying on his designed couch every day.
I have his REVOLUTION denim jacket here.
I listen to his music ... every day.
One of his last artworks ... a print ... lays on the table.
Everywhere in the flat & studio are marks left ... created by Brian.
And now: Brian is watching me from an almost lifesize painting ... in the center of the living room.

I am fine with that*

... Dali had Gala as his motor ...

... and I have Brian´s soul as my motor ...

together forever <3

5th september: Patrick´s opinion about signing of paintings:

the most important thing is: that the "glamorous era" of the past years in Berlin will be saved for future generations. it doesn´t matter WHO does it. ... I do it because I was part of it, but ... believe it or not ... I don´t see myself that much important, that my name has any relevance. the only thing what counts: is: THE PAINTING

many times I forget to sign artworks ... and I know that in future it is perhaps interessting, when artworks are found somewhere, to know who created them <= this is the number one reason why artworks should be signed

meanwhile I sign my created artworks ... as part of the working process ... but just on the backside

I see my job more related to an historiographer ... and I like that* ... those colorful times of Berlin should always be remembered

6th september: I have a dream too

I love those people in Afghanistan, Irak, Iran, Syria, Yemen, Jordan, ...

they are AMAZING beautiful ...

are very intelligent (they had a loooooot of universities, clinics,...) ...

owned PHANTASTIC colorful cloths (created of highest quality such as silk,...) ...

have a breathtaking thousands of years old culture with STUNNING treasures left ...

those people are ENORMOUS gentle, funny and loveable <3

PLS HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT ALL THAT HAS BEEN FORGOTTEN !?

will I ever see laughing and loving people in those areas again !?

I have a dream too

8th september: Patrick loves <3 Amanda <3 (Seyfried) oooooh it was a magic moment when Brian & I have been at the door and Amanda entered PORKparty °° Brian jumped over the table and asked her "are you ...?" ... Amanda answered just "no" ... I had no idea who she is and was just phascinated by her beauty. ... and obviously she liked the party :* .... .... .... "OOOOH Brian, thaaaaat maaaaaany stories remind me about you :* "

8th september: I always feeeeeeel it .... and I am happy when those crazy supermoons will be over *hhmmmppppfffff* tooooo much action ... everywhere around *hhhmmmpppffff*

8th september: what a wonderful learning by doing afternoon

... when I started to paint with oil on canvas, then some people said to me "don´t do it! it´s poison! it´s dangerous! IT´S GONNA DESTROY YOU!"

in the past months I just thought "fine ... if this is the price ... then I will pay it"

BUT:

today I checked out all that "dangerous" stuff in the internet ... I learned a lot about materials such as terpentin ... even terpentin is a nature product which is gained from trees *WOW*

and I realized that I can relax now ... it´s not gonna destroy me*

... and even Tizian reached the age of 91 years ^^

9th september: " I am 80 years old and I am from Israel. it´s my last journey ... "

yes, I have a regular job ... some nights of the months I am working in a hotel. I like that job ... it keeps me in contact with people from all classes from all around the world ... and some conversations I will remember and yes, they have an influence to my art ...

it was touching when tonite and old man came here and started his conversation with " I am 80 years old and I am from Israel. it´s my last journey ... "

10th september: Sean Lennon at PORKparty°°

I almost never recognized a celebrity and I needed people to tell me who is who ...

once Sean Lennon did party with us for some hours. he came there after the 80-years-birthday party of his mom, who celebrated in a theatre in Berlin.

after he left PORKparty someone told me, that Sean Lennon was here. I asked Brian about it and when he said yes, then I asked him "why you didn´t tell me, that Sean was here?" and Brian´s answered "you would have freaked out"

*ääähhhmmmm* I woulD HAVE NEEEEEVEEER FrreEEaaaaAKkKKED O UT kNOWING SsSSSEEEEEEAAAAAAAANNNNN LEEEeeeNNNNOOOONNN IS On THE SaME PARTy AS I AM XoPPPP

10th september: being strong

sometimes in life the only choice you have is being strong. and right now: this is my choice too

of course nothing what I do is perfect ... I do a lot of mistakes ... while being strong. this causes a lot of different reactions of people around me: some are laughing about it, because it seems to be as a parody what I am doing right now. some are jealous, because they are not able to realize what it needs to be to become strong. some are ignorant, because they got frightened by strong people. some insult me, because they would prefer to see me fail. and last but not least: of course those people who support me while being strong.

exactly one year ago there didn´t exist a thaaat much big reason to me to be strong. I knew that my 30 years older mentor Gunther in Vienna has always an answer to me when I call him ... Gunther died in november 2013. I could handle it, because I had Brian here in Berlin and I knew that he has always a fitting wise answer for me too. Brian died on 5th june 2014. No one knew me that much good as Gunther and Brian did it ... they kept me strong ... for about 20 years.

Now I am kind of alone and I decided not to give up ... I choose the way of learning how to be strong ... just by myself ... it´s a new feeling ... and an every day´s fight

and yes, there is one close person left on that planet: I love her: <3 my mom <3

11th september: when I asked Brian "where do you have been at 11th september?" then he answered "in New York" ... he never talked a lot about that day, but I will always remember his expression in his face ... a mix of endless shock and endless sadness ... even years later

11th september: +++ VERALTET & VERSTAUBT +++ Das Schwule Museum in Berlin

vielleicht erwartet man das ja auch von einem "Museum" ... ich war noch nicht ein mal in den Neuen Räumlichkeiten des Schwulen Museums ... warum auch? was soll ich dort? mich langweilen? ... da verbringe ich meine Zeit lieber bei einem Spaziergang auf dem Ku´damm.
Es gab bisher nicht einen Moment, ein Argument welches in mir einen "WOW-Effect" "DA MUSS ICH HIN!" auslöste. In den alten Räumlichkeiten war es übrigens nicht besser.

Wir leben nicht mehr in den 60er Jahren ... das Schwule Museum ist NIE im 21.Jhdt angekommen.
... und weiters: z. B. man kann nicht einfach eine Pasolini Ausstellung machen OHNE Pasolini VORHER den Menschen welche UNTER 60 Jahre alt sind näher zu bringen.

... übrigens geschätzte 95 % !!! !!! !!! meiner internationalen Künstlerfreunde zwischen 18 und 45 Jahren, waren auch noch nie im Neuen Schwulen Museum! ... das hat seine Gründe.

Natürlich SCHADE SCHADE SCHADE ums Schwule Museum ... aber OHNE Kompletterneuerung sämtlicher Strukturen wird das wohl nix mehr

... und ja: dies alles predige ich bereits seit vielen vielen Jahren ... und leider: es ändert sich einfach nichts

12th september: manchmal müssen´s einfach FISCHSTÄBCHEN zum Mittagessen sein *mmmjammmyyy* 10 waren´s heute =P

12th september: that awkward moment, when I decided not the leave the underground and stay in there for some moooooore stations, because the guy sitting opposite of me was thaaaaat muuuuuch H O T =P DAMN what an athletic L.A. surfer beach guy that was =P ... he didn´t realize me at all ... he was busy playing with his i-phone ...

16th september: nervous !? of course I am nervous: in some minutes I will enter an art university ... for the first time in my life ... when someone will ask me there "who are you?" ... then I will answer "äähhhmm ... nothing ... just nobody" ... what else should I answer!? ... whatever ... today is the opening of the Berlin Art Week and I am excited to go to the Opening at the Academy of Arts =D see you there :*

16th september: ^^ Patrick Bartsch ENEMY nr. 1 ^^ at the opening of Berlin Art Week at Academy of Arts:

at the opening speech they talked about the new plans about the free trade agreement between the European Union and the United States. they said, that people from the art scene should fear it and it´s gonna change the situation of artists in every way.

.... WHAT THEY MEAN IS, that: right now artists at universities get supported in every way, get supported with money and everything by Germany. In the United States artists depend on PRIVATE sponsors. <= INDEED that is something complete different !!!

when they invited me to discuss, then I said: I have never been to an art university (because I could never afford it) and I am working exactly THAT AMERICAN WAY: I depend on private sponsors and got N E V E R any support from Germany as artist. and YES! I support the American Way! ... after I said that, they stopped the conversation with me ... I guess that wasn´t the thing they wanted to hear

the exhibition itself was: let me tell it in a short conversation with a woman (age around 58 years and seemed to be part of the organisation team):
Patrick: "if the people have to wait thaaaaaat much long to enter the exhibition, then at least they should get awared with great art!"
Woman: "there are many exhibitions which are much more bad than this one!"
Patrick: "that exhibition belongs to one of the worst, which I have ever seen."

yes, very quick I got the feeling, that they don´t want me there ... and I left ... into the darkness of Berlin ... keeping my minds there where I want them to have ... and not them want me to have

17th september: okokok some of the latest paintings are not thaaaat much good ... okokok they are bad.

reasons:

+ since some months I feel more weird than relaxed
+ I see myself still as beginner as a painter ... I do it now in an intense way since 1 year and 9 months
+ okokok no more excuses ... I have to become better ^^

18th september: * I sell my art *

since 10 years I live in Berlin and since 10 years NO GALLERY wanted to represent me ...

... and now it´s me who doesn´t want a gallery anymore

... I offer art directly from the artist ... it has a loooot of advantages and not only that the price is muuuuuuch cheaper

... some days ago I had a talk with a gallerist who showed his interest in my work. he said "where do you show your art?"
... and then I just had to say it that way (after 10 years treated bad from many galleries) " I don´t show my art in exhibitions, because I sell it that much fast, that many paintings are still wet, when they got already ordered. I am not interessted in showing my art in galleries. "

I know I know I know it was kind of arrogant to talk that way ... but I needed it to do that way ... just ONE TIME :*

19th september: <3 Brian <3 the best what happened to me in Berlin*

19th september: Brian called me "can you come here?"
Patrick "why?"
Brian on the phone "because it is important!"

I took some presents for Brian, and took a taxi to his flat

we spent the whole evening together ... till late at night ... when he felt asleep ... I left the flat

it has been wonderful hours and the last time I met Brian

 

 

some postings which I created on facebook 12th august 2014 - 31st august 2014
filed under mix


stories mix posted on facebook:

29th august: Patrick´s teaching lesson no.58: to say to someone "oh, you are still that much skinny." is as much polite as if you say to someone "oh, you are still that much fat."

meanwhile ... sometimes ... more and more often ... I just leave conversations which start with such words ... because: I just expect a minimum of style in a conversation

*hmmmppfff*

28th august: Brian and I, we talked about many emergency plans when he feels bad .... almost since we knew eachother ... starting from eating black chocolate, being in the bright sunlight, going on holidays, being sober, doing meditation, meeting his parents, and and and ... some weeks before he left us ... I think it was almost the last time when he was at my place ... when he left and walked out the door, then I said to him (sometimes I have a blackout) "who is singing wuthering heights?" Brian answered "Kate Bush" ... I continued "yes, listen to that song, which one she is singing with ..." Brian smiled and continued "... Peter Gabriel. ... yes, I love that song"

27th august: * you have black color on your nose *

in some weeks our mayor Klaus Wowereit will be the ex-mayor of Berlin

more than 10 years ago I came to Berlin for the reason to work here as artist. I came here with nothing and knew no one.

from the very first moments I found a friend in the mayor of Berlin. that was very important to me and gave me enormous motivation to continue ... even in very raw times.

I remember how nervous I was when I realized how close I could come to the mayor (for example at the CSD, Berlinale) and when I took the first pictures of him.
I remember how nervous I was when I did wear my black leather mask and even then the mayor of Berlin realized me as artist and even did handshake with me at public events.

and about 5 years ago, when we have been together in an V.I.P. area, then I tought, that it means a way of respect to show myself without mask. I took off my mask, went in his direction and introduced myself as the artist, who is normally wearing a black leather mask, now without mask. in that moment Wowi was smiling and said "I recognized you already, because you have black color on your nose"

in the following years we met eachother on different events and every year at my balcony, when the backstage area of the lesbian-gay-streetparty is located directly in front of my studio.

dear mayor of Berlin* dear Klaus* THANK YOU for eeeeeeeverything* I wouldn´t be there where I am today ... without you <3 you gave me inspiration, power & love ... all those years*

from the deepest bottom of my heart: wish you all the best for your future*

26th august: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO OUR MAYOR KLAUS WOWEREIT HAS ANNOUNCED HIS RESIGNATION +++ about 10 years ago Klaus was one of the reasons, why I came to Berlin thaaaaat muuuuch fast ... PLS KLAUS STAAAAAAY

25th august: question to myself: ääähmmm* addicted to facebook!?

answer to myself: öööhmmm* yes!

24th august: those dreams where Brian is alive are completly weird, but very beautiful too

just a had nap and dreamed, that Brian is preparing his parties ... as always. I was very glad seeing him. he did act very normal, but busy. I was looking for some scars in his face, but couldn´t find some. he kept me busy in this dream, we ate something together and I realized, that his death was just a performance and the performance is over now. when I started to ask a question, then Brian looked at me that way "don´t ask." ... and I didn´t ask. ... our life continued as always ... busy and together

24th august: * <3 * HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY to PHANTASTIC LIVING LEGEND SALOMÉ <3 * <3 wish you a very wonderful day* I love you forever <3 you are in my heart <3 THANK YOU for everything* ^^ YOU ARE ART ^^ :*

24th august: ... sold about 80 % of my "best" ... ok, let´s say most favorite paintings ... *hmmmm* ... that means: I need to work, work, work, paint, paint, paint ... I can´t wait, wait, wait to work & paint ... I <3 oil on canvas

23rd august: " to copy someone "

Picasso said something similar such as " when people copy an artist, it is one of the biggest compliments an artist can get. "

I see it very similar: this is one of the reasons why I do art and publish it ... I like it when it is obvious that someone got inspired by paintings, shows, writings,... which I did. ... seeing the same words used somewhere else ... that just makes me smile :) and yes " Thank You " ... this is one of the reasons, why I post here that much.

of course I inspired a lot of people in those years, when I did wear the mask in public. for example: I got a letter from a popular artist from London who wrote me that his latest exhibition about masks, was inspired by a moment, when he met me in Berlin. ... that was some years ago

I still love such letters and words ... so pls: get inspired and literally copy me* ... and when you feel it, then I write me about it* Thank You :*

15th august: okokok I tell it as it is: ^^ Patrick plays Brian´s music ^^

of course I stayed many times with Brian till the end of PORKparty°° ... and one reason was his music too ... I just LOVE IT <3

now I need to find and play it by myself and meanwhile I do it in an intense way ... it gives me an inner peace and that kind of music is just AWESOME ^^ ... and of course I mix it up with my own music too ...

question: do I copy Brian as DJ? *hmmm* does a student copy his teacher!?
answer: it isn´t possible to copy anyone. Brian teached me and inspired me also with his music ... and this I want to share*

in the past weeks on the open studio I played already a lot of that music and people loved it <3 they smiled :) and I smiled too :)

means: from now on: I will DJ every saturday at the Open Studio and will play a looooot of Brian´s inspired songs ... be prepared and join it when you like it*

14th august: Patrick´s discovery of the day: I always thought that "oil colors" are made of oil (I mean that petrol oil ...) and today I discovered, that the basis is some foodstuff: linseed oil

*hmmmm* means: to put on the wall a painting in oil canvas is something similar as to put there just a PIECE OF BREAD *AAARRRGHHHHSSSS*

I will start to mix up my colors by myself and this is the reason why I went to a shop and bought everything what is needed for it ... not a lot ... just linseed oil and pigments ... I even bought some pigments which glow in the dark =D ... and some PHANTASTIC purple and white ... should be enough for the start

 

 

some postings which I created on facebook 24th july 2014 - 11th august 2014
filed under mix


stories mix posted on facebook:

26th july: Brian-Tennessee Claflin has a lot in common with Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison and Axel Rose

... I am just watching a documetary about Kurt Cobain (on ARTE) and I have to think a lot about the life of Brian

Genius Rebells With Big Hearts

27th july: times are changing: the " ONLY WITH MASK "- years are OVER

on february 2006 I started the MASK SHOW with wearing a black leather mask in public and hiding my face as much as possible ... no pictures without mask ... for many years ... before Lady Gaga had her first big success ... before Pussy Riot ... before masks for everyone became popular.

in the beginning it was difficult, because many people and media didn´t accept an artist with a black mask in public. but I had GREAT moments too, such as: meeting Tilda Swinton, Joe Dallesandro, ...

in 2011 I changed the black mask in a golden mask and have been around that way especially every sunday at legendary PORKparty ... partying with Amanda Seyfried, Michael Stipe, ... and thousands of LOVELY PHANTASTIC more people <3

and now: I plan to concentrate myself more on the production of paintings in oil on canvas ... they should get all my energy.
but: in future: sometimes I will wear masks too ... different masks ... for special events ... or when I am just in the mood for it

my face and my real name will be part of the NEW presentation of myself as artist ... as painter

27th july: some stories about my "only with MASK SHOW" (which one has finished since today)

the first about 18 months have been very hard, because I had almost no supporters and even best friends told to stop that "stupid" thing. ... and then I met Brian ... when we talked about what I am doing, then I was very shy about telling him, that I am running around in public while wearing a black leather mask.
Brian´s reaction was "THAT´S GENIUS!" ... YES, Brian has been one of my BIG supporters and gave me a looooot of power to continue that mask show

27th july: after 9 years: the MASK SHOW of Master Patrick and Fantasy48 is OVER

from now on there is just Patrick Bartsch with face*

THANK YOU AAAAAALLLLLL for sharing those PHAAAAANTASTIC years with me <3 LOVE YOU <3

27th july: *** HOL*LY***WOO*D *** in october I plan to travel to * HOLLYWOOD * YES, the mooooost magic place in America ... since my earliest child dreams*

today I don´t know if I am able to make it ... I saved already some money ... not a lot, but a lot for me ... about 300 euro ... I will do everthing to get enough money to do that trip ... my first trip to America ... into the city of my dreams <3

originally it was planed to do it together with Brian ... and now I plan to go there to say the last <3 GoodBye :* to Brian ... while sitting next to the ocean and let flow some sand through my fingers

28th july: oh Brian <3 some days after your death, someone said to me "take as much time as you need to grieve. but don´t despair."

oh Brian <3 it is very hard not to despair

28th july: "Denke nie gedacht zu haben, denn das Denken der Gedanken ist gedankenloses Denken." habe ich im Gespräch mit einer älteren befreundeten Zigeunerin (keine Ahnung weshalb man dieses Wort nicht verwenden soll. Ich mag es einfach und verbinde damit viel Gutes) gesagt.
Sie sagte weiter "Wenn du denkst dann denkst du nur du denkst, weil denken tust du nie."
Ich fragte sie daraufhin "Was dann?"
... und sie antwortete "Empfinden"

das geschah vor etwa 12 Jahren und fliegt mir immer mal wieder durch den Kopf ... und deshalb poste ich diese kleine Geschichte für alle ... für zwischendurch*

29th july: Brian´s death and the guilty question

a part of my grieve I do in public ... almost live here on fb. and yes, there are people they see me guilty enough that they deleted the fb friendship.

Am I guilty!?

if "yes" what should I have done different?

should I have called Brian some more time? ... to check what he is doing
should I have stayed with him more time? ... that he didn´t feel that much alone
should I have said more "I love you" and hug him? ... that he feels it more, how much he means to me

the reality was, that I was blind on a way ... too busy with myself ... ... *hmmmm* now I try to defend myself and I know it´s the absolutly wrongest moment to talk about myself and making defend attemps. but I am aware of that, that those questions and answers will exist for the rest of my life.

people will always judge me and this is their right ... doesn´t matter how much they knew Brian and me.

"You are guilty, because you took dr*gs!"
"You are guitly, because you didn´t take away the dr*gs out of Brian´s life!"
"You are guitly, because you have been a bad influence to him!"
... this and much more will people think about me and talk about me. and the fewest will say it directly to me while looking in my eyes.

How much am I guilty!?

one is for sure: while using dr*gs I felt much stronger than I was. I wasn´t any help to anyone. and this fact makes me guilty on way. and if someone expects at least a sorry from my side, than I would like to write it here: "SORRY!"

29th july: today I continued with the big 1,50 x 1,80 meters Brian PORK party painting. today it was the first time, that it didn´t made me happy to paint. the big "empty" space in the middle is reserved for Brian. I think in about 3 weeks it will be finished

31st july: it´s funny* 20 years ago I was a groupie of supermodel Werner (and met him sometimes in Vienna) ... today I still am and in 20 years I still will be :* WHAT A MAN <3

2nd august: Violence against Jews, Gays and Police is increasing a lot in in Berlin ... that sounds familiar to me ... when do we have to leave Berlin again? ... for the reason to save our lives! ... it´s a tragedy what happens in Berlin right now ... we have no intensions to delete islam people from that planet, but they do ... 3rd world war just started ... a war about religions ... sad sad violent world :(

2nd august: STOP SHARING AND POSTING THOSE VIOLENT VIDEOS AND PICTURES !!! since war exists: everyone is lying about the war! you will never know if those are the real uniforms belonging to those people !!! in World War II and all other wars it is used to wear uniforms from the enemies and created pictures to blame them !!! I AM SURE THAT MINIMUM HALF (I think even up to 80 %) VIDEOS ARE JUST CREATED TO BLAME THE ENEMY !!!

everyone who shares those violent war videos makes themselves part of the war, because those people are SEEDING HATE and are for that GUILTY TOO ! ... think about it.

3rd august: today before the Open Studio, I just thought "today something special should happen..." ... wonderful guests came here and in the evening phantastic artist Pancho Panoptes was standing at my door ^^ we discovered, that we have a lot in common* Thank You for that special evening*

3rd august: Patrick means " HOW CUUUUTIEEEEE :* Baptiste´s new tattoo KL VIII VI MMVIII is the date when Karl & Baptiste met eachother the first time <3 LOVE YOU GUYS <3 :*

5th august: the dialogue about the latest painting, between Brian and me, would be similar like that:

me: "it´s finished"
Brian: "what´s that!?"
me: "this is you Brian ... at your PORKparty ... when Gio did his show there and put you up in the air"
Brian: "TRISH!!!!!!!!"
me: "what!? I think it´s good ... there is enough space left to build up an own fantasy"
and now Brian would say either "I love it!" or he would say "you should hide it and never show it to someone!"

whatever: it´s my first BIG SIZE (1,50 x 1,80 meters) painting and as this one I like it ... of course there is a lot to do better next time ... but at least I like to look at it* and yes, I see the WILD Brian as I knew him and I see the wild PORKparty°°

6th august: (comment pic Schluchsee) this is where and how I grew up ^^ any more questions!? *DAMN* it is AWESOME BEAUTIFUL there <3 I haven´t been there since about 15 years ... why!? because they are homophobic in the F*CKING VILLAGE ... as in most little villages *HMMMMPPPFFF*

6th august: (comment) it feels goog to concentrate on smaller size paintings again* today I listened to "the best of Bach" while creating new paintings. this one is from a photoshooting I did some years ago which was inspired by paintings by Gottfried Helnwein

6th august: yes, of course there exist those of my paintings, where nothing fits together, everything looks wrong ... let´s describe them as UGLY

... nobody wants them and they stay with me ... I see them all the time ... and after a certain time I start to built up a relationship with them ... and after some weeks, some months I start to find some beauty in them and then I start to love them <3

that is the moment when I realize again, that ...

... there is no ugly nature
... there are no ugly humans
... there are no ugly animals
and
... there is no ugly art

<3

8th august: what a PERFECT evening/night at the 10 years Berghain celebration ^^ spending many hours with wonderful people ... meeting a looooot of loved friends ... enjoying the Berlin summer evening/night ... GREAT exhibition in a STUNNING new Berghain location ... and YES, Bisky is one of my absolutly fav painters ... and wonderful Ali Kepenek reached me again with his GREAT work and live too ... B I G THX to everyone <3

9th august: (video comment) Berlin isn´t far away from that ... YES, I have a problem with religions which want to see queer people DEAD !

9th august: when Islam rules the world, then: they would destroy the pyramids & the sphinx in Egypt, the Taj Mahal in India, the Potala in Tibet, ... they would kill queer people, women, ... in daily processes. almost everyone would wear black. DARK DARK BLOODY AGES ... WHAT A NIGHTMARE FANTASY ! ... äääöööhhmmmm "fantasy"? how long THIS WILL BE JUST A FANTASY !!!??? already reality at too many places on that wonderful colorful loved world

9th august: okokok DON´T LET THEM FANATIC ISLAM PEOPLE RULE EUROPE ! THEY WOULD DESTROY ALL AAAALLLLL OF OUR CULTURE !!! ALL CHURCHES !!! ALL "HALFNAKED" SCULPTURES !!! THEY WOULD DESTROY HALF OF ROME !!! MICHELANGELO´S SIXTINIAN CHAPEL !!! DAVID !!! THEY WOULD DESTROY HALF OF GREECE !!! AKROPOLIS !!! AND AND AND ... ISLAM IN EUROPE NEED TO BE STOPPED !!! IMMEDIATLY !!!

the paintings in Louvre in Paris, in Prado in Madrid, ... the list is tooooo looooong .... for what is on their list to destroy

10th august: sometimes ...
as right now ...
<3 Brian <3 is that much present to me ...

I can see him dance ...
can smell him ...
see him laughing ...
hear his voice ... it feels as if I could touch him

and then I realize ... but don´t want to accept ... and have to accept ... that those memories are the only things left for me

11th august: Patrick´s every day life:

DEATH ´ CLASSIC MUSIC ´ BLOODY MASSACRES ´ PAINTINGS IN OIL ON CANVAS ´ ISRAEL ´ PARTIES ´ ART

I try and try and try to understand that world I am living in ... I try to understand myself how I can watch videos of bloody massacres happening in Iraq and some hours later enjoy an art opening. cry about the death of Brian ... then going to a party ... and some hours later meeting friends from Tel Aviv which are watching the latest war videos. and in between I am listen non-stop to classic music such as Bach, Mozart, Mahler, Beethoven, ... which push my emotions ... additionally

I try to run away with my minds ... and dream of a beautiful world in peace and harmony ... where everybody loves everyone ... and animals are loved too ... ... and I realize that those are FANTASIES ´ ILLUSIONS ´ it´s just not existing

it feels that much stange, that it is almost not possible to find words for it

11th august: +++ pls only read it when you can handle "difficult" stories +++

Patrick very personal: yes, I thought about it before, if I should write it here or not. and pls again: stop reading when you can´t handle stories about thoughts of suicide.

yes, I have depressions almost all my life ( I think it got caused actually, because during my youth I needed to hide my homosexuality in a very heavy way ). later I had wonderful months and years, but also I know what it means to have the worst depressions for months and even years. I know how it feels to be in that "BIG black hole" where you don´t find ways out of it and fantasies about an own suicide are full created and finished in the head ... it just needs to do it. but I always found ways out of that "nothing-but-black-in-my-head". I never went to doctors because of that, because they annoy me. I prefered to heal myself ... even when that means to life completly isolated from society for many months.

my last heavy depression just ended about 3 years ago and I was very happy about surviving it. right now I can´t really say, that I suffer a depression, but my suicide plans, which I created for myself some years ago, are sometimes very present. and yes, sometimes, right now, it is hard not realize them. that feeling to follow Brian ... and not to do it ... keeps me "busy"

I struggle with life (and this is not really a new feeling to me) and being sober (since about 5 weeks) is one of my ways to going on with my life. I need to fight hard those days ... experiments are not allowed ... to become stronger again ... step by step ... are my little goals right now

sometimes I realize it is you too ... very special people here on fb (some/many even may have no idea how much they mean to me) which bring me away from suicide thoughts ... when the red fb-symbol flashes, and someone special pressed the like-button and/or wrote a comment. it makes me forget my suicide thoughts and thoughts about literal following Brian ... for a moment and sometimes longer.

and the result for today means: not everything on that planet is dark, there are wonderful colorful people living here on that planet too ... and they make it worth staying longer here

 

 

some postings which I created on facebook 7th july 2014 - 23rd july 2014
filed under mix


stories mix posted on facebook:

8th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^ " that tear " working on abstract paintings means to me: about 90 percent of the paintings happen accidental. I let the universe speak through my hands. believe it or not: I didn´t put that tear there ... but I feel Brian ... non-stop

11th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^ is bored bored booooored by all those reactions about 7:1 ...okokok the german team did win against a badly wounded brazilian team ... so what!? ... this is nothing to be proud of ... I have no idea why the world is phascinated by one of the most booooooring soccer teams eeeever: german soccer team 2014 ... they work like a machine ... how boooooring ... I always prefered individuals such as Beckham, Ronaldo, ... NEYMAR JR. ... THEY are the reason why I watched that world soccer championship

11th july: it will be a loooong way, till I will be that much happy again, as I used to know it ... if I ever will.

... till then I decided to work ... more than ever

12th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^ if there exist to me a most favorite house on that planet, then it is: YSL´s house & GARDEN in Marakech ^^ I WANT IT ^^

12th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^´s Open Studio is open now^^ aaaaand today is the opening of the N E W RAUSCHGOLD bar directly opposit of my balcony ... with Gloria Viagra Sally Morell Herrin de Luxe maaany more and free beer and free sparkling wine ^^ LET´S CELEBRATE MY NEW FIERCE NEIGHBOURS =D

12th july: Fantasy48 means *here for you: some weekend goosebumps ... and YES! art should be for everyone ... and if we reach that: ... then we will live in <3 A BETTER WORLD <3

14th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^ just one little comment about " FOOTBALL GERMANY " ... when I see winners, then I see at the same time the loosers too ... how could I be happy with Germans when I see at the same time people crying in Argentina!? Germany has already thaaaaat muuuuuch ... do they really "need" to win such a championship too!? what would it mean to all those homeless and poor people in (for example) Brazil if they would have win!? Germany got that feeling in 1954 when Germany got completly broken and they did win the football championship and after that game, the whole country started to believe in themselves again. I would have wished that other countries - than "rich" Germany - would have had experienced that feeling in 2014 ... YES, I realize the shadows too when there is a lot of sun shining

14th july: (comment for destruction of 8th century sculpture) people destroy art because they feel the power of art ... but they will never be able to destroy the spirit of art

14th july: I had a weird day today ... nothing special happened ... just felt weird all day long ... and right now: I decided that is better to go to bed ... and guess what happened: right now Brian made me smile ... when I just discovered that FAB video of Brian ... THX Brian for making me smile before I go to bed :*

15th july: about 25 % of my paintings from the year 2013 are in (private) collections ^^ B I G THANK YOU* for your support <3

17th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^ when I create my paintings then I always put some magic in them ... I kind of hypnotize them ... for the reason that the magic energy goes back to those who watch them ... ... ... it may sound weird, but this is what I do

17th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^´s Meinung zu "lalala ... so geh´n die ... lalalala"

So geh´n die Gauchos (nach dem verlorenen Spiel) und so geh´n die Deutschen (nach dem gewonnen Spiel) <= so soll´s wohl genau heißen und das ist offensichtlich! also wie sollten Verlierer eines Spieles gehen, wenn nicht gebückt und wie sollten Gewinner gehen nach einem gewonnen Spiel, wenn nicht springend und jubelnd.

... all die Kritiker haben vor allem ein Problem: Das mit der Deutschen Sprache

Ich fand die Performances aller Fußballer KLASSE und freute mich mit ihnen so sehr mit, daß ich beim Zusehen Tränen in den Augen hatte

17th july: (zu Gaucho Tanz) ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^ I LIKE THAT VIDEO =D ... when you take part of a game, then one of the principles is: that there are winners and loosers <= if you don´t like that fact than don´t play and/or don´t watch games. and as always: the loosers walk with their heads down and the winners jump around and celebrate <= and this is exactly what those young modern gladiators are singing and performing here ^^ ... and eeeeveryone who means to use the NAZI word in combination with that video, just booooores me

18th july: ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^´s

^^ TOP 10 PLACES Of BERLIN ^^

when you visit Berlin: here for you: my TOP 10 places to visit:

1.: WEDDING LEOPOLDPLATZ: this is the area which is prefered by people from countries such as Tunesia, Algeria, Marocco,... means: there is a lot of life and action around on the streets ... wonderful markets,... this area becomes more and more trendy in Berlin.
but be sure to walk around in the smaller streets too ... it´s the only place in Berlin where whole streets belong to gangs ... with a lot of empty shops there and almost empty streets ... just some guys standing around with their cars and taking care about "their" street.

2.: BRANDENBURG GATE: of course the area with and around the Brandenburg Gate, Reichstag, holocaust memorial, and the whole area around. pls discover it by yourself. and be sure: for taking a walk in the glas dome of the Reichstag, you need to register yourself in the internet some days before at their webpage www.bundestag.de YES! you should go there too^^

3.: SANSSOUCI PALACE: this is the former summer palace of Frederick the Great, King of Prussia, in Potsdam, near Berlin. this place was created to make the king horny for his women. a must see and most beautiful in spring *

4.: KaDeWe.: London has Harrod´s, Moskau has Gum and Berlin has KaDeWe and I LOVE IT THERE* there you see the latest and best stuff from the whole world packed in one building ... for example: you see the work of the latest fashion designers presented by the latest models and photographed by best photographers. when I wanna know what and who is on top: then I go there^^ and be sure to take a walk in the food and drink area. take some time to drink a coffee and eat some Lenotre chocolate cake =oP

5.: CURRY 36: Berlin´s *mmmjammmmyyy* Currywurst. I suggest CURRY 36^^ it will make you smile eating THAT legendary food of Berlin. and the area around of Curry36 is wonderful too ... check it out*

6.: TIERGARTEN: what a treasure: the emperor Wilhelm II.´s private garden open to the public. perhaps you know how difficult it is to bring different fishes together in an aquarium ... as much difficult is it to bring together different trees ... flora from all around the world in one park ... it´s a master piece of garden technics. take a walk around next to Siegessäule, take a nap there where the naked people enjoy the park (yes, in the middle of Berlin) and perhaps you find that lake where Koi carps are swimming around.

7.: TEUFELSEE (devil´s lake) in Grunewald: super easy to reach: just 6 stations with S-Bahn from station Zoologischer Garten. be sure you swim there in one of the highest drinking water quality possible. the area around looks like in paradise and the people are supernice. if you want you can also do a little walk up to the little hill and enjoy a wonderful view over Berlin.

8.: FANTASY48 OPEN STUDIO: YES, that balcony in the middle of Schöneberg´s party and redlight area is a must see. being in the middle of one of the most legendary areas of Berlin: Marlene Dietrich did party in the Eldorado, Christopher Isherwood lived here in that area and got inspired to write "Goodbye Berlin" (the Cabaret story), Billy Wilder lived here at beautiful Victoria-Louise-Platz, ... and Christiane F. stayed many times in the hot-sheet hotel on the other side of the street of my balcony. ... right: saturday´s Open Studio means: eating homemade cake and talking about creative people ... their creativity ... All About Art *be my guest*

9.: FICKEN3000: THAT name "Fu*king3000" for a bar is unique in that world and not just for the reason, that I work there every sunday night, I may suggest that club: one of the last real underground places of Berlin. open to everyone

10.: UUUUHHHHH I forgot to find a number 10 for you ... pls find it by yourself and write me YOUR favorite place in Berlin ... yes, I am really interested in it^^ I live since about 10 years in Berlin and I know that I have to discover a loooooot moooore of exciting places

18th july: Patrick Bartsch ... I think that name sounds good* using different names (such as some years ago: for about 8 years: Master Patrick) has the same meaning to me as playing with different toys ... and when I need a new toy/name, then I found a new toy/name.

it was fun playing around with the name ^^ Fantasy48 The Emperor of Art ^^ ... for some months. created after spending a day together with Isa Genzken. no one said "Fantasy48" that much funny as Brian did it and Brian understood from the very first second what the meaning of "The Emperor of Art" is ... just a kids phantasy ... and nothing else.

I never used my real name ... but I think, that I should and will start it now

YES, being sober (no alc, no cigarettes, no dr*gs) since 2 1/2 weeks cleared up my mind and body already. I am 40 years now and should start to become more serious ... but to me: using my REAL name is one of the freakiest things I have ever done =D

19th july: Patrick Bartsch wishes a <3 HAPPY WEEKEND TO EEEEVERYONE =D .... oh yes, I have to get used to it, that I use now my real name as artist name ... still feels weird ;)

19th july: (flight MH17) “What if the cure for AIDS was on that plane? Really? We don’t know,” he said. ... and Patrick says "when I heard the first time about the scientists on that plane, then my first thought was "DAMN THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REAL REASON WHY EXACTLY T H A T PLANE GOT BOMBED!"

20th july: I love to paint in the morning hours* that painting of Brian (size 1.50 meters x 1.80 meters) needs all my energy and patience ... that sweat is kind of phascinating, which is caused because of heat AND work

20th july: "don´t show unfinished paintings!" they said "DON´T show unfinished paintings!!!" they said ... *hmmmm* I almost never did what people told me to do :) :*

and here some fiiiirst impressions of my first BIG SIZE painting 1,50 x 1,80 meters with Brian Tennesse Claflin at his GLAM PORKparty °° in oil on canvas*

20th july: cant´t help it, but every sunday evening I think a little bit .... okokok muuuuuch more about Brian <3 Brian was an extraordinary mix of beauty, intelligence, wisdom, tough, smart, ... and all that packed in a GIANT HEART, MIND & SOUL

and almost every sunday he shared all that with me and many others for some hours

21st july: Patrick means: some days ago I watched an (obviously) islamic family: a young, sad looking, pregnant woman, an angry lookig man and 2 young children with shaved heads.

they looked like religious machines, where it is wanted that as much children as possible get born.

I remember how my parents planed to put me into this world. my parents loved eachother from the deepest bottom of their hearts and it was their wish to create a child made of love (and for no other reason). that´s me. ... and THIS IS THE WAY HOW IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE!

when I realize that in all those islam countries uncountable children get born just for the reason to fight for a religion (and die, such as in Palestine), then I mean: THIS IS WRONG! I suffer with each of those children which had no choice to be born that way.

22nd july: one of my most favorite places since years^^ the center of (west) Berlin^^ I sit there for hours and am able to recover^^ I watch the people ... feel the energy ... and sometimes I have that special feeling, when I say to myself "WOW^^ really ... you life in Berlin"

22nd july: "WATCHING WAR ON FACEBOOK" ... since 40 years I realize with my own eyes what is going on on that planet. when I was a kid and there has been war, then violent pictures have been able to see in the news just for some seconds. with the war in Iraq all that changed, as most of us know. it was a war live to watch in the media.
and today: the most violent pictures and movies are the most shared and watched ones. I don´t have to give examples, because most of you know what I am talking about.

I watch it too ... always ... I want to know what is going on on that planet ... and I want to know again and again what a monster the human being is.

some minutes ago someone posted a video named something like "this is how Hamas handles their own people". the rest I wasn´t able to understand (because of the language). the video shows how a group of armed men shot about 8 people. it was a long video, extrem violent from the very beginning and it was able to see the faces of those who kill. it seemed that it is a sport to them, what they are doing and their leaders allow them to do it. to me it was shocking to see that video and of course I don´t know if the title of the video really fits with the video.

but this is war today.
and it kills my feelings too
... step by step

22nd july: ... and by the way: YES, I am pro Israel.

... and if you don´t like that fact, then pls unfriend me from your list.

some months ago I had a wonderful conversation with an great and popular artist from Israel. I told him, that I have almost no knowledge about the history of Israel and the people of Israel. but what I know is, that all people from Israel (yes, people who life and lived there) treated me with a lot of respect and accepted every part of me. talking about homosexuality was as talking about "baking cake", it never was "important" or something "special".
and everything else: I felt always connected with those wonderful people from Israel and always will.

23rd july: 8 a.m. and Patrick naked at Teufelssee* what a feeeeeeling to have an lake covered with beautiful waterlilies almost for hisself =D yes, it´s my favorite lake since I life in Berlin <3

23rd july: *hmmmm* I can´t help it: is the actual situation in Germany similar to a situation which existed already about 90 YEARS AGO IN GERMANY ?

since some hours I was reading (german) comments on different (german) status, pictures, videos, ... and the hate against jews has reached a level in Germany which is frightening me.
and much more: perhaps you realized that there have been different anti-Israel demonstrations. and in Berlin they used to scream slogans such as "Jews, Jews, cowardly pigs, come out and fight!"

further: in the past months there have been that many queer people beaten up in Berlin, what has never happened before in those years since I life in Berlin. the hate against queer people grew definatly too.

and further: the violence against german police and politics has reached new levels. many people doesn´t respect german authorities.

I wasn´t born in (for example) the year 1924, but I know that some years later: jewish people, queer people, people from politics and many others ended somewhere, where we should never end up again.

... the easy living in Berlin which I was used to life it since 10 years is more and more over. I am more and more prepared to leave that country <= and just to have such thoughts frightens me


 

 

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